Indelible Inscriptions.

Some people choose to document their lives with scrapbooks or diaries; I write the stories of my existence with ink upon my skin. Indelible markings that mean very little to the people who see them, but have charted the various territories of my life and mean everything to me. It is inappropriate to comment rudely on markings upon another person’s skin, just as it is inappropriate to point out a birthmark or a skin problem and voice your opinions obtusely.

Who are you to form an identity for me before a word has been spoken between us? You create a new persona: that of a pirate, heathen or rogue. I am none of these things or sometimes all of these things and I lead my life unabashedly so. You on the other hand, deem it appropriate to label me, categorize me as a social construct, a pop culture relic, someone chasing that insubstantial feeling of happiness through the replica of the most popular fad of the moment: Tattoo’s.

As our dear friend Foucault showed us with his studies of hospitals and prisons (1973-1979), society constrains and controls the criminal, psychiatric and gendered bodies and I would argue also, the tattooed body.These are all socially and historically constructed and the tattooed body is constrained by society and placed within its meaning system which reads it in a particular way. I am not a pre-conceived ideological construct, nor am I subscribed to a particular type of ‘fad’. Categorization is problematic in the extreme as it is determined by power inequality and stereotyping and simultaneous includes and excludes those who have yet to be categorized.

So to set the record straight: I am a gypsy and a marauder, a beggar and a thief. But I am also kind and wise and generous and have never been in a gang. So please save your inflexible ideals for someone less intelligent than myself, because quite frankly your opinion is irrelevant.

Bad days to good….

Absolute surefire ways to turn a day of bleakness into one filled with sunshine and hope (That last bit was a lie; I cannot guarantee fulfillment of hope)

1. Hot bath with a LOT of bubbles, Bon Iver on the iPod, glass of wine and a book. Note: The wine is not optional, however be wary of drinking the whole bottle in the bath as it may hinder your attempts to EXIT the bath in one piece

2. Phone a friend. Yes it may seem clichéd but call a friend and make plans, vent, cry or listen to how shit their day was and I guarantee that you will hang up that call in a better mind frame then when your digits first hit speed dial

3. On your way home, stop off and buy a substantial amount of trashy magazines. Glossy paged gratification? Yes please. Trust me, after this kind of day, nothing cheers you more than indulging in some mindlessness.

4. Make a very large pot of tea. Obviously it’s not as good as chocolate, but it will leave you without the bloated comedown of sugar infused indulgence and the tea straining ritual will distract you nicely from all the first world problems bouncing around in your head

5. Get your download fingers ready and download a couple of episodes of a TV series you have been meaning to get to. Not only will you be able to perve on Jon Snow (Hello Game of thrones!), but you will now be able to contribute to the pseudo intellectual conversations circling dinner tables about the latest episode of Girls.

6. GET OVER IT. Unless you’ve been shot, or diagnosed with cancer (apologies if you have, but I doubt you would be blog trawling if this were the case) then man up, drink a large glass of wine and realize that tomorrow will surely be better than today and there is nothing that an evening of Jon Snow self-loving can’t fix.

What I’m listening to….

Alt-J: An Awesome Wave

I know I know this album has been out for a while now and it might just be a cliché for me to be waxing lyrical about how fabulous it is at this late stage but it is spine tingling, toe wiggling good. Sitting at a desk all day can tend to become a little mundane and especially when it’s a bleak Tuesday morning, and nothing pep’s me up a more then listening to this album on repeat. There is something about this British indie rock quartet that warms the heart. Maybe it’s the slightly eerie echoing voice of Joe Newman layered oh so effectively over electronic heavy synth riffs. Or it could be the delicate infusion of eccentric pop lyrics and folk ballads all held together by a soothing guitar overlay. Either way there is something a little bit off kilter about these folk, something that resonates within you as you cock an ear for that slightly out of place hip hop beat that somehow shouldn’t belong next to a folk ballad yet fits in perfectly.
Whatever they do next will surely be breathtaking.

Melbourne.

I love the crisp morning air that crunches your lungs whenever you take a breath. The autumn leaves that parade up and down the pavement, demanding attention in their jewel colored hues. The shock of electricity, blue and bright as the trams work their way through the city streets. Twisting alleys tangled up amidst the high rises, directing tourists upside down and right way up. A hum of constant activity, there is always something to be discovered. A secretive new café to be hunted down, serving just the right kind of coffee coupled with a bearded barista and a cheeky wink. There are old movie theatre’s echoing of films past; a hollow vestibule of vintage glamour and revelry. Shops and offices tucked away below street level, only available to be seen when you take your eyes off the skyline and look below. Sprawling bars and secretive clubs where drunken reveler’s tumble out into the streets in intermittent groups. Dark red lips, staining the cheeks of brogue wearing boys. The secret’s of that night confined to the blackness before the dawn. Get temporarily lost, momentarily confused and eternally stranded. There’s no going back now.

L.

Falling in love is very nice because you get to hold hands, plan two person adventures and make out in the produce aisle while old people glare at you across the avocados.

Epic Winter. 

Frosty breath? Check. 

Pink cheeks? Check. 

All wrapped up? Check. 

New.

Shyly slouching towards something new. Excitement tinged pink with the blush of uncertainty. Quickening of the heart, intake of breath, slow touches, the excuse and the effort, the reaching and the rush that comes with it. Wide smiles in the dark, wolf grin glowing in the blackness, failing to hide the butterflies twisting and turning in the depths below. New and shiny and open, everything laid bare, so much more to lose. 

Kisses. 

Kisses. 

Bitches be crazy (how not to f**k up your relationship)

After a recent coffee date during which I spent the entire time listening to tales of heartbreak and perceived deception leave my friend’s mouth and assault my ears, I decided enough was enough. I could no longer sit idly by and sip my skinny latte while I listened to such misguided intentions blow up my friend’s relationship like it was on the front line in Iraq. However, doling out advice to her was as well received as an STI check on your birthday, and as a result she firmly put on her ‘I’m right’ face and ignored me for the car ride home. Luckily for me I can’t see the interwebs ‘I’m right face’ so I am going to proceed to give all you significant others out there who are creating relationship landmines some long overdue advice, based on some real life scenarios I have recently encountered in the upside down world of relationships.

Case 1: The Making him jealous game

I have this friend, who likes to test her relationships by playing the ‘Is he jealous game’ in which she will make up a scenario involving herself and another boy asking her out, then tell her boyfriend and wait for a response. If he get’s jealous, she yells at him for not trusting her. If he doesn’t get jealous, she yells at him for not caring about her. If you are also playing this game, STOP IT. This is essentially creating problems where there are none, and somehow trying to trick him, to see how much he cares about you. Here’s a tip: just ask! If he doesn’t seem that into you, then games of intrigue and jealousy aren’t going to change that.

 Case 2: The Facebook game

So you may have just broken up with someone, or trying to get the attention of someone you like and as a result have a misguided intention of using facebook to show how amazingly well your life is going, a mash-up of hilarious drunk photos of you making new friends and self-indulgent status updates about moving on or having just met ‘Omfg the cutest guy ever! Hope he calls!’ This is embarrassing. Not only is the person you are interested in NOT sitting around looking at your facebook, everyone else you are friends with knows exactly what you are doing and is cringing in shame every time you post something in the hope that he is scrolling through your page. He’s not. Get outside and start a non-cyber life.

Case 3: The boy’s night out game

So he is having a boy’s night. You can’t stand it, so you spend the whole night obsessing over why he hasn’t written back to your text message and what he could be doing right now. LEAVE HIM ALONE. He is not writing back to you, because he is out with his friends, you talking about it with everyone you know is not only annoying but sad as well. Let him have his own friends, and if you can’t trust him enough to spend one night out without you, then you should not be allowed to have started this relationship in the first place

Case 4: Not meaning what you say game

‘I’m fine’. You’re clearly not fine you’re pissed off. He knows it and you know it. So here is a crazy idea, TELL HIM WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND. I don’t understand why you think telling him one thing when your feeling another is a good idea. He is not a mind reader and can’t help you fix things until you explain to him what is wrong. Also making him guess what has you so upset is not a true indicator of how well he knows you, it’s annoying and will soon lead to him yelling at you ‘I’M FINE!’

 Case 5: Forcing him to do things he hates game

Making him watch ‘The Notebook’ for the fifth time is not romantic. It’s torture. There is no need to force the person you are romantically involved with into completing every activity you love. For example: watching chick flicks, shopping, going to the ballet. This is why we have female friends, to complete these activities with us and actually enjoy them. Find things to do together that you both enjoy and then if he decides to spend a day doing things with you that you love, it is a nice surprise and a treat, not something he dreads all week long.

 

These are just a few of the examples I have encountered over recent years, however I know there are many more of these atrocities being completed. Crazy, clingy girls are not keepers. Smart, sexy, funny girls who are okay with being on their own, they are keepers. Be the one he wants to be with, not the one he is tricked into being with through mind games and baby talk. 

Time to stick a pin the map and just leave.